IF YOU DIDN'T INSIST ON SLEEPING...you would
never be fat again - never have another pimple - you would be rich because you know how to create wealth -
could have the newest steam floor cleaner and know what to buy to give your digestive system a thorough cleansing. Evidently,
dirty digestive systems are the cause of sickness and death.
We
had MONSTER rain storms here in the middle of the night, and I got out of bed to shut the windows... and......was
wide AWAKE. So, I decided to go in to the living room to watch some TV. And then I discovered that the media
is playing tricks on us... because.. ALL THE ANSWERS TO LIFE EXIST ON JUST FIVE OR SIX INFOMERICALS. We need
to alert the government about the trick the media is playing on the citizens of this country!!! ALL THE ANSWERS TO ALL
THE PROBLEMS ARE ON TV IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...
Because
PEOPLE.. LISTEN UP! We would have NO problems if we just bought what these people are selling. We would
also have NO money.. but who needs money if you wear a size 0 jeans and don't have acne??? Who needs help with housework
when you can buy any one of 3 NEW vacuum designs, a steam floor mop? Who needs a job when you can invest the way
Mr. Rich learned how to invest - and who is willing to share his secrets for a mere $499.00 - OR- you can buy a book that
will tell you how to get millions in grants from the U.S. Government that you NEVER have to pay back?????? This
is amazing. You would have everything you needed... if you didn't insist on sleeping.
I CALL IT THE "ELMER SCHMERTZ THEORY of HEAVENLY REWARD"
and I admit I am taking great liberty with Scriptural accounts of how and when we are rewarded in the afterlife..
but.....just follow along before you make a phone call to the Doctrine Police, ok? It's just a blog. It's not
the Bible... OK?
So, God is getting ready
to give the Heavenly Reward of OUR Generation. We've been standing up there for a while, and he started
at the beginning of time and yes, we've watched Moses accept his reward, and King David, and the Twelve Disciples,
Martin Luther, etc. etc.
And now
it's OUR GENERATION.. our CENTURY.. We wait expectantly. You and I both KNOW that WE are not in the
running, so we look around and we see people like Billy Graham and Mother Theresa and Oswald Chambers. You see your pastor, standing there in heaven and he's
secretly hoping he might win the award because your church has a HUGE gym, is the fastest growing church in your city, and
gave MILLIONS to MISSIONS.
We see some
of the most famous Christian authors and Christian musicians and Christian televangelists...and we assume the prize
will go to one of them. Someone like them - one of those people- will be awarded the title of "The
Best Christian of the 20th Century". But to your surprise and mine (both of us assuming that we WILL be standing there
with the redeemed)...
...the Arch Angel
announces the Reward To The Best Christian of the 20th Century and the Arch Angel says... (DRUMROLL) -
"Elmer Schmertz" ( WHO?)
"ELMER SCHMERTZ !!" A buzz goes through the crowd of resurrected humans. "Who? Who is Elmer
Scmertz??". None of us knows him. But then you notice something odd.
You notice that the angels in heaven are applauding the announcement, and they seem
to know EXACTLY who he is and are pointing to him in the crowd. You realize that although he wasn't
well known on earth, evidently, in heaven, Elmer Schmertz is a SUPERSTAR. Yeah, they know him, they greet
him, they love him, they applaud him. HE was the best follower of Christ in OUR generation. What did he
do, you and I ask? What did he accomplish on earth, we wonder? And the answer is: "Enough"... evidently...he
did enough.
Why wasn't he FAMOUS?
He was... in heaven. Look around you. Maybe he's living in your town. Maybe
he's the guy who is living on 10% of his income and giving 90% of it to others without telling a soul about his sacrifice
- maybe he resisted the urge to start a world wide ministry called "Living on 10%"....
Or maybe he's the guy who has never cast a slur upon any of his neighbors;
or maybe he's the guy who really and truly has prayed for those who hate him; or maybe he's the guy who cares for
orphans and widows and doesn't have to write a book to let the world know he did it; or maybe he's the guy who
just has unshakable faith in the faithfulness of God; or maybe he's the guy who cleans your church. Maybe
he's the guy who is honestly and truly living for the approval of God and not the approval of men. It's hard
to find those guys anymore, isn't it?
So,
if you can slow down enough and take the time to notice those around you and you see someone in the background of the
Kingdom of God.. .. someone who isn't concerned with getting applause for service... someone who never gossips...someone
who gives without grumbling --- take a moment to stop and say hello. And if you have the time, ask him what his
name is. And don't be surprised if you hear him say, "Elmer Schmertz". It's just
a theory.
