Today is Leap Day!   In honor of Leap Day, I will announce the winner of February Favorite Blog.  Yes, the cable news networks are waiting for the results..(DRUMROLL)

According to exit polling, and your email responses the #1 most popular Marie Blog Award goes to the February 26th Blog - "How To Speak To Your Husband".   #2 is the February 7th Blog, simply called "Gym Update", followed by #3 - the February 2 Blog, titled, "Marie? Maria?".   Yes......These are the things that matter in life - which of my blogs my blog readers like best!!.     Today is an EXTRA DAY.  You have an EXTRA DAY to get stuff done.  Next year, February 29th will not exist.  It will not exist again for another 3 years. How nice of "them" to give us an extra day.   So.. relax.....take a nap....read a book, do your nails -you've got an extra 24 hours this year.   24 EXTRA HOURS.  Don't look at it as just another day.  Look at it as an EXTRA day.  It should be Saturday morning right now.  It should be March 1 right now.. but it's not. IT'S LEAP DAY!!  Yeah.. Leap for joy!

The holiness of hanging out - the Bible calls it fellowship.  Hanging out does not seem holy, but it's one of the four basic things the early church did (in addition to the Apostles teaching, prayer and breaking of bread, or communion)    After Bible study today, five of us had lunch together at 0"Charley's.  Talk about breaking of bread - their ROLLS come out HOT!!!!  Dear Lord....help me!!  I am a Carb Queen.. But..  I had the Caesar salad with chicken.. and.. well... ok.. that doesn't matter... but I am desperately trying to become a member of The Lettuce League. (an older blog.. posted a week or two ago)

The time together with Amy, Cindy, Mary Ruth, Carolyn and myself - the Body of Christ as a table in O'Charley's - was just as important as our time looking in to Scripture!!!  When you have fellowship with other believers... it just builds you up.  It just makes you happy.  It just brightens the day.  It's just HOLY to HANG OUT.   Anyway..don't neglect some holy hanging out.  Have some fellowship.  Have some fun.  Laugh! Cry!  Bear each other's burdens.  Have a two hour lunch if you can!!!  We did!!!  

Thanks ladies for the honor of your fellowship and the happy, laughing, crying, holy hanging out we just did.  Let's do it again!

Let's face it, dear sisters and daughters:

"THEY" were here first... and "WE" were created to help them.  "THEY" being "MEN".  We were created to help them.  That's the reason for the creation of women.  That's why we were made - to help our man. Yup, it's true.  Some women see this as an insult, but let me remind you of a few things. God said it was not good for MAN to be alone - and so He created woman. A paraphrase of Genesis could interpret God's words as,   "This guy needs HELP.. I better send a woman!".  

One of the key ways we do this is in an institution called "marriage".  I've been institutionalized for over 38 years now, and as part of my mission as an older MENTOR... I thought I would help the younger sisterhood by sharing what I know about communication. 

Let me just say (in case he reads this) that NONE of this applies to my husband, Phil who is the BEST listener and BEST husband around.  NOPE... I learned this COMPLETELY and UTTERLY from watching OTHER PEOPLE.... well... not completely completely...and.. well....uhhh....

HOW TO SPEAK TO YOUR HUSBAND

1- Gain the understanding of how he HEARS.  

He only hears every fifth word you speak.(I can provide statistical proof)   Therefore when you SAY,  "I wish we could spend more time together.  I miss you and I wish you would talk to me."   HE HEARS:   "I spend miss you." This is the reason for the confused look on his face, and for answers like, "That's nice honey."   He doesn't ask you to explain what you mean because he doesn't want to do anything that might cause you to say more words he doesn't get.  (More explanation in #5 below)

2. Speak so he hears what you're actually saying.  Using the Every Fifth Word Rule above, let's say you want your husband to know it hurts you when he gets home late, you would phrase the sentence like this:  "I really, really, really hurt when you you you you  get home home home home late late late late late" because he will hear  "I hurt you home late".  To which he might reply..."How did you hurt me because I got home late?" 

3. Men hear "literally" 

A man hears literally, but a woman speaks in concepts and feelings. This is the BASIC problem.  Plus....a husband has an instant accuracy monitor.  He can instantly take the words you've spoken, run then through his internal accuracy monitor and miss the essence of what you're saying because of what you actually said.  So when you say,  "You never spend time with me"... his can instantly attest that the word "NEVER" is not accurate... therefore invalidating your entire reason for speaking because he remembers that day 17 years ago that you and he spent four hours alone together - walking through a fishing equipment show.  Therefore the word "NEVER" does not apply - in his way of reasoning - giving him permission to dismiss the entire sentence.   It's YOUR fault... you used the word NEVER - which is NOT accurate.  So don't use words like "never" or "always"... as in "You always miss the meaning of what I'm saying".. because  he'll remember that day 35 years ago on your second date when you told him... "You always understand me...".  Which cancels out the "you ALWAYS miss the meaning of what I'm saying" because he has statistical proof that ONE TIME when you were 14 years old and in high school, he understood the reason you decided you didn't look good with bangs - therefore the word "ALWAYS" is inaccurate.  You should have said, "You OFTEN miss the meaning..."..   Speak literally... and slowly... literally... and.. slowly.

4. Listen so you hear what he's saying. 

When he hears you (miracles DO happen)  his response will be concerning the facts and not the feelings.  So he might answer something about your sentences about his being late BUT NOT about his hurting you. You say, "I'm hurt that you're always late"....  So a typical response from a man might be: "I'm not ALWAYS late" - or - "I'm not late. What time is it?" -or -  "Technically, what do you mean by late?".   And if you have a very sensitive man, who acknowledges that he hurt you, you might expect an answer like: "Hurt? By what?"  He did not MEAN to hurt you by coming home later than you expected.  Coming home late is not a MEAN thing to do.    It's simply a "Houston - we've got a problem" deal.   A technical error that your expected arrival time (EAT) did not coincide with his Actual arrival time (AAT)..  It's an "EAT/AAT thing".. a scientific malfunction... not totally his fault, mind you.    He isn't disrespecting you, ignoring you, hating you, wanting to leave you.   He just didn't leave early enough to get home early enough to be able to sit down and eat dinner with you and the kids.. No big deal.  (To him) 

5a -  Learn to have the same communication goals your husband does. 

His goal: less words, less talking, less figuring things out.  Your goal:  more words, more talking, more figuring things out. Do you see why so many marriages are struggling?  

I am willing, wonderful woman of God that I am, to help you in your communication struggle with your husband.  Let me give you a tried and true method to help you in your attempt to get through to your husband: STOP TALKING SO MUCH!!!  Yup.. I said it!   The poor guys.  We women are so eager to TEACH our husbands how to hear, how to listen, how to understand.. and truth is.. maybe WE need to stop talking so much.  Give him a break!  Let him watch the stupid game.  Will it kill you to NOT tell him how bad you feel that your friend Laura told her sister Patrice that your other friend Jessica told her husband's sister Jill who told her cousin Mary that she thinks you are a phony?  Will the UNIVERSE stop in it's tracks unless he hears that?   I think not.

5b-What to do about it?  When you speak to your husband, his mind gets in to go gear.  As you speak, he is trying to find the ACTION involved.  His mind is thinking,  "OK.. What do you want me to DO about this???"  He wants to DO something.  OK.. So you can't stop yourself from talking and you tell him the Laura/Patrice/Jessica/Jill/Mary story.   He's trying to find HIS role in this story.  The REASON you're telling him.  Should he punch Laura?  Should he tell her to stay away from his wife?  What should he DO about the story?  So tell him what he needs to do:  "Honey, this is bothering me and I need someone to listen.  Would you mind simply listening to what happened and then tell me what you think I should DO about it?"... SEE.. Now you're talking.  

6- K.I.S.S.  Keep It Short, Sister. 

Try to keep your sentences SHORT and include the REASON you need him to hear it.  "Honey, I'm feeling like I need a hug from you."  is much easier for a man to understand than "Honey.. lately we aren't communicating the way we should.  I feel so disconnected from you and.... ..." BLAH... BLAH.. BLAH.    "Honey, I need a hug" is a sentence a man can understand - it has something you need from him and something he can give you.   Your husband wants to BE your HERO. Let him be.

Well, this blog is already too long.  If you've read down this far.. all I can say is....You must be a woman.
 

I watched a TV documentary about Bald Eagles.  These researchers put little cameras on their backs so we could all get a "bird's eye view" of the every day life of a Bald Eagle.    (This, to me, is animal cruelty disguised as research.  The poor eagle has this thing on it's back.. behind it's head...It doesn't have hands to reach up and take it off.. and it doesn't have a wife it can say to "STELLA.. get this thing off my BACK!!!".. It's ANNOYING ME!.. GET IT OFF!"...)

Anyway.....the Bald Eagle is the symbol of the United States of America.  It's our national bird. You put a bald eagle on a red, white and blue poster and it says "USA".  Magnificent bird.  Makes us proud.  It soars above the clouds.   We have chosen the Bald Eagle to represent us to the world.

But what does the eagle think about this high honor?   He doesn't know he's the symbol of the greatest nation on earth. He doesn't know he's on earth -  much less that it's divided in to warring nations. To him, he's just one of the birds. He's hungry and he's trying to catch that juicy rabbit. Period.  He's just getting through his day. He's unaware that a millions of us were watching him fly through a field trying to catch a rabbit.     He's just one of the birds.

I wonder if Abraham knew he was "ABRAHAM - Father of Nations" of if he just thought of himself as Sara's husband...and somebody that God decided to choose?  I mean, I know he believed what God said to him, and so he knew that someday he'd see those promises... but did he know that katrillions of people would know him?  I wonder if he knew that he was going to be the pivotal person in the history of humanity?  I mean Abraham didn't sit around having conversations with God all the time...  Some days, he just fed himself and his family and went to bed.His everyday life consisted of taking care of things - eating, sleeping, working.  

I wonder if Moses understood that someday movies would be made about him - or did he just think everybody got to copy down the Ten Commandments?  Did Paul know he was literally writing most of the New Testament, or did he simply want to write some letters to new Christians to encourage them?  

And those of us who name the name of Jesus as Lord have been chosen to represent the Only Son of The Only God to the World.   There's a great cloud of witnesses watching us.  To the UNIVERSE, we are the symbol of a Great, Mighty and Everlasting Kingdom.  We are the Chosen Ones.   I am part of a ROYAL priesthood, a future queen, the daughter of The God of The Heaven, Sister of the Prince of Peace, Bride of The Eternal Christ.   Some days.......I feel like I'm just one of the birds.
 

Long before he had any children, a father decided his kids should know what kind of behavior he expected from them.  He wrote down a list of do's and don'ts and taped them to the refrigerator and then left the house.  When he had kids - they lived in his house of course and they saw the rules, and did their best to follow them.  Every kid wants to please his father.  They never actually spoke to their dad.  They just saw his rules taped to the refrigerator.  A couple of the children wanted to actually hear their father's voice now and then, but some of the other kids told them they were expecting too much. They'd say,  "He left us his words.  That's all we need." And so they never heard their father's voice again... because they didn't expect to. 

But some of the kids would wait up late in to the night and seek to hear their father's voice. And they would call out his name, and he would answer them.    And still others waited at the door and got to see him when he entered the house.  They waited and waited... just to hear his voice... just to feel his presence as he entered the room.  They would tell the other kids that they had actually spoken to their father, and that their father's voice had come through loud and clear.  But some of the kids would say,  "He left us his words. That's all we need."   To which the others replied, "Yes, we're obeying his word, just like you, but he is so real, and his voice is so clear."  And the other kids would scoff... and say........"It's just your own voice you're hearing. He doesn't need to speak.  We have his words on the refrigerator."  

Silly story, isn't it?  What kind of father would expect his children to get through life without actually hearing his voice from time to time?  What kind of child would believe He would expect that? 

Maybe people who don't try to hear God's voice are the ones who.......don't.

"CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND SHOW YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW" (Jeremiah 33:3) THE LORD CONFIDES IN THOSE WHO FEAR HIM; HE MAKES HIS COVENANT KNOWN TO THEM.(Psalm 25:14)